I was recently observing a conversation where a counselor asked a couple whether they saw each other as a friend. They pondered this question for a minute and responded, “yes”. She then inquired if that were true, why would they assume mal-intent from the other person when it came to disagreements or actions their partner engaged in? They sat and thought.
From her perspective, intent meant more than behavior. She didn’t look at how a person was behaving in that moment because we can all step into acting from our lower self at times, especially if we are having a bad day, have a lot going on, feeling stressed etc.
She argued that by looking at intent, (they are just trying to be helpful, offer me guidance in their own way, protect me from upset, etc.) we could have greater insight into the people in our life and have tools to diffuse disagreements and conflict in our relationships.
These conflicts often occur because in our triggered states, we have a belief that this person doesn’t have our back, are trying to manipulate us, or are completely overlooking our needs.
She continued by saying if we truly believe they are a friend, then it doesn’t matter if they are clumsy with their delivery, miss the mark on what is going on with us in that moment or have a temporary lack of sensitivity, they have our best interest at heart and want what is best for us.
In the conflict, we forget that, become reactive and engage with them as a frenemy.
She offered a few questions to ask ourselves when these situations arise. What if we engage with the people in our life with the understanding of “If I’m a friend and you’re a friend, what would I do next? How would I respond to this situation?” versus stepping into reactivity and blame.
Unfortunately, a lot of us have had mixed experiences with the quality of friends we’ve chosen who haven’t had our back.
Perhaps we’ve had abusive relationships or grew up in families that were anything but supportive.
Maybe we’ve struggled with fitting in, feeling worthy and finding people we can feel safe with because we carry sensitivities to abandonment and betrayal.
Exposure to dysfunction early on can imprint us and effect the lens we use to relate to people. It may be VERY challenging for us to really believe that another has our back.
This challenge then gets magnified a thousand fold because our beliefs govern what we create for ourselves. Reality mirrors back what we believe, affirming and amplifying them over time as they literally become self-fulfilling prophecies.
After watching this counselor speak, I spent some time contemplating how I see my relationships and how I engage with life. The truth is they are very interconnected!
As Albert Einstein said, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”
Our answer to this question will absolutely dictate the quality of our journey!
If you stop to answer it honestly, you’re first thought may be “of course I believe in a friendly universe.”
But do you, really? Do you truly believe the intent of life is towards your expansion, growth and success?
Do your relationships, which are a microcosm of the whole, really demonstrate that?
From my time with clients, friends, family and observing myself, I believe a great majority of people inherently don’t believe that life has their back.
There is a fundamental lack of faith and a distrust that they are being nurtured and supported by the invisible realm.
Call it life, the Universe, Divine Intelligence or God, I’m talking about the subtle energy of Divine Order working behind the scenes to unfold our life experiences in harmony with a plan that our Soul contributed to prior to this life.
Yes, you have free will and use the power of choice to operate within this plan. And yes you have forgotten the truth of who you are so that you may have a blank slate to create anew.
Also, I think we are all in agreement that the world is filled with people behaving badly. I personally believe it is because they have free will and have forgotten who they are.
But this doesn’t mean that the intent of life is to be an unfriendly place. We get to decide in every moment how we want to show up in our humanity.
We are learning just as much from those who misbehave as we are from those who demonstrate love and light and truth.
So I ask again, when you are met with challenge, struggle and heartache, do you see it as an opportunity to do work on yourself and strengthen the areas of you that need strengthening OR do you step into being a victim who doesn’t believe the universe is a friendly place conspiring for your highest good?